"Making Yourself Presentable"

Originally appeared in TEXAS LAWYER

Kathleen J. Wu is a commercial real estate lawyer and managing partner of the Dallas office of Houston's Andrews & Kurth. Her e-mail address is kathleenwu@akllp.com. The views represented here are her own and do not represent those of the firm.

Copyright 1998, Texas Lawyer. All rights reserved.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if the world could just conduct its business entirely over the phone.

That way, the only thing that would matter in business communications is what we say and how we say it. Unfortunately for some people, the most powerful words in the world are undermined by mousey body language.

This is a particular sticking point for women, who often don't have the physical size to dominate a room like their male counterparts. Compound that with the fact that our wardrobes often work against us -- high heels that totter at the worst time, skirts that reveal more than we want them to -- and you've got a corporeal challenge.

I've seen some of the smartest, most capable women in the world become betrayed by their own nervous fidgeting or bad posture. Conversely, other women with less-than-stellar credentials have come out on top by remaining poised and unintimidated in the face of a more imposing opponent.

What we say and how we say it make up only about half of what we communicate. [See "Watch Your Language," Texas Lawyer, May 18, 1998, page 29.] The other half is so-called nonverbal communication, more commonly known as body language. And the more proficient women are in emanating confidence, the more likely they are to win over jurors, opposing counsel, skeptical colleagues and partners.

No Right Answer

The bad news is that experts on body language aren't entirely in agreement over the minutiae of what comprises powerful body language -- is it better to cross your legs or not? And, if so, do you do a full cross at the knees, or a dainty cross at the ankles? Do you sit leaning forward or leaning back?

"The bottom line is there is no one correct answer for a female lawyer," says Dr. Robert Gordon, a lawyer and psychologist who critiques body language in his role as a jury consultant. "Each answer has to be individualized to the temperament, physique and intellect of the lawyer. But it is very clear that so long as the lawyer equates femininity with weakness and masculinity with strength, that she cannot achieve her goal."

"In other words, she needs to reframe how she thinks about size and strength," he says. "There isn't, for instance, one stance that's dominant. You can go back to Charles Darwin, who considered baring of the teeth and the raising of the back as dominant postures (in early man). But as we've evolved over the centuries, that's not quite as relevant as attitude and confidence."

I couldn't agree more. As you grow as a lawyer, your confidence will grow. And, naturally, you'll begin to exude more confidence. The trick for young women who may not have achieved their intellectual and technical peak, however, is to find confidence from previous accomplishments without exuding cockiness.

So, in the spirit of giving you some tangible advice, I shall piggyback on a so-called expert. Phyllis Mindell, author of "A Woman's Guide to the Language of Success," offers these tips for women looking to boost their physical presence. (Keep in mind that other experts may disagree on some of the specifics. You are the final arbiter of what postures, gestures, etc. imbue you with confidence.)

• Sit up straight, leaning slightly forward, head held high.
• Legs should either be flat on the floor or fully crossed (if your skirt covers your knees). Needless to say, knees should be together. And, if you opt for crossed legs, keep the dangling leg still.
• Pay close attention to whoever is speaking, and avoid whispering to your neighbor. It implies both disrespect for the speaker and nervousness.
• No fidgeting, pencil tapping, nail gazing, hair playing, etc.
• Work on your eye contact. Avoid diverting your eyes each time you catch those of another. On the other hand, avoid staring contests. If you think you're making someone uncomfortable, you probably are.
• If you've been tape-recorded in a deposition or other meeting, watch the video with a critical eye. Critique not just your speaking parts, but also your idle time. What you do when you think no one is watching can be just as important as what you do when all eyes are definitely on you. If you don't have any videotapes, ask a trusted friend to play fly on the wall for you.
• Keep your arms relaxed and uncrossed, with palms unclenched.

The long and the short of it is that the more relaxed and comfortable you "force" yourself to look, the more confident you’ll appear. Fortunately, it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy.